well. The months have passed and summer is nearly over, and I am faced with the reality of having been in the same place (with the exception of India for a month, and illinois for vaca.) for nearly a year. And it seems odd. It always seems odd. Every time a year has passed I glance at the memory of a year ago....and I don't seem like the same person. I'm rarely in the same place..... It brings joy and pain. And autumn always seems to be my time of reflecting. Maybe autumns were created for that. The only reasons I say it brings 'pain', which I guess isn't the appropriate word for the description, 'pangs' would be more accurate, is that when I look back I always find moments I wish I could return to again, things I could capture for an eternity. The pangs aren't really bad, they remind me that someday I will look back with an aching heart on these days, these moments, and want to recapture them. They remind me to face each day with the appreciation appropriate for it. I won't ever be able to come back to them, not the same way, not with the same eyes, and not as the same person. My moments won't ever be repeated, and I can't live or stay in them or I will miss the ones happening right now.
I'm not even sure where these words are taking me, I just know sometimes we forget that we are actually alive. We forget what it feels like to breathe deeply, to look and be bewildered by a blade of grass, growing from this stuff we call dirt. we forget what it feels like to lay in the shade of a tree with the clouds and the breeze giving us a concert. We forget to hear the song in the morning as the sun walks it's course..... And suddenly we are less human than we were before. We look at our days with a lazy eye and we fail to be amazed.