the night-time charm

I’m sitting in the dark in the backseat of a car, my brother in the front, listening to a pod cast, while I have his decrepit pair of headphones in my ears. Only the right side works. My left side is therefore listening to the soft hum of voices from a pod cast, while my right listens to mellow, sleepy music. It makes me glad to be awake at an hour when most the world is sleeping. I like the quiet, the lights blankly staring back at you, the miles reaching out before you and behind. It gives me this sort of late-night peace unique to road trips.
Earlier I leaned with my face against the window, crowded with rain drops racing each other down the glass.

I stare through the blur at the darkening sky, the storm clouds blanketing us, the lightning playing games around us….running through the fields and the open sky. I am surrounded by an odd serenity, maybe it’s derived from the awe demanded by such storms. They always remind me how small we are, but in what large hands we are held.

And suddenly the tranquility is broken by the music. My pondering replaced by singing. It’s midnight and this is how we accomplish two things in the car:
1) staying awake.
2) having way too much fun.

And I am sad about only one thing: I only get so many of these moments in my life. And I will probably be aware of even fewer than I get.
But at least I am aware of the importance of sitting in a car at midnight, music loud and inevitably sung along with, streaming down the road feeling the invitation of going somewhere, being homesick for everywhere.

And soon the night magic of travel will be over.

I am in Chattanooga, TN until thursday, and I am loving it. It feels great to be away from New England for a little while. I can breathe.
And there are mountains.

the booktrader cafe

So I have one day left before I head off to Illinois and Tennessee. Yeah, I've been counting. For about a month. I am thoroughly looking forward to the ten days off work, not to mention being somewhere other than the city.....actually I get to be mostly out in the country and help garden. (and hopefully see some good thunderstorms ....what's a visit back to illinois without the thunderstorms???) All of this sounds like bliss to me. And as burnt-out as I am with work (that's what happens when you only have around 3 full days off in a month....) I had an amazing day today.

I work at a locally owned, used bookstore/cafe-coffee shop. I am one of the managers (unfortunately : ) ) I should mention, in all fairness, it really isn't a bad job at all, ....It's just, I really sorta, kinda miss working with kids...or doing something where, well, where i am doing something more than sorting through books or making sandwiches...etc. BUT. I had a few fun moments today. The yalies have their graduation this week. And so we are ridiculously busy during lunch. And I am pretty sure I have way too much fun seeing how quickly I can throw sandwiches together....it's like some sort of competition for me. I also happen to like that even though you sometimes get ridiculous customers, you also have the ones who are really nice, you know, the regulars you can chat with. It's a fun change since it seems like most of new england (or maybe it's just new haven or CT) comes off a bit snooty....a bit cold. I can walk around most days and everyone is in this frenzied rush to be somewhere, avoid all eye-contact with anyone, and at all costs,.... don't smile, don't ever smile. ( I actually have this idea, I want to make a large sign with something universally funny written on it, wear it around town, and see how many people I can get to smile or laugh. ...so any suggestions, throw 'em my way) But get the regulars inside booktrader and their wall starts to crumble rapidly. yay! they really are human!
So this guy, one of the students (a regular) comes in today for a coffee, but also wants a scone....and a funny scenario takes place. He jokingly (but also seriously) wants to know what he can do for the scone ....so he doesn't have to pay, cause he only has two dollars (cash) left for the next couple days. now, mind you, most yale students aren't exactly destitute. : )
we made a ton of tips today, so i offer to buy the scone, insist, and that is what ends up happening. But he bargains for it, so I came up with a creative idea. I told him that he has to take someone out for coffee before he leaves town (in exchange for the scone) ....like a homeless person, or maybe someone he knows who's lonely, basically someone who needs it ('it' being time to just hangout with someone, to feel like they're important enough to warrant someone else's time) I think that scone was definitely worth the $ 2.39 I paid for it. Not to mention, I also recieved a hilarious hand-written piece of paper with 9 reasons why 'you should buy a booktrader scone right now!' which I think is funny enough that it just might get laminated and posted somewhere for the rest of the yale students to read in amusement.

spare me the 'safe' jesus. I don't want him.





I want the Jesus that loves dangerously.

I can't forget.

do you not see the lights?

and this is my agony tonight:
If we actually lived what Jesus taught, if we actually walked in his footsteps, if we learned to love like he loved..........
and none of it for personal gain.......
do you think more people would be convinced?
Do you think more people would see what love was?


I can't help but wonder. and i also can't help but wonder......there were a lot of people who thought that what jesus taught was foolishness. that is the part that rips me.
Jesus can take being called foolish all day long, that's not what pains me.
it's the friends and brothers and sisters who can only see the foolishness of it, but not the truth.
I don't think i have the words.