I don't get it.
I don't claim to be an extremely wise person, so maybe this could easily elude me, but I don't don't get "the Church"
I don't get what it's come to be about, why it is an institution, or why we seem to botch it up so badly. I don't get why it's so complicated. I don't understand why we need to be performing all these things. "performing" being the key word.
How can following a person look like this? And why do we have a need to make ourselves feel justified and important by doing all this?
Wednesday I came to the conclusion that my heart is utterly wretched-my motives, my actions, my thoughts- all of it- there is no redeeming quality. I can't even bring myself to follow, or look to Jesus like I want to.
But God asked me if I just had enough faith, just enough to believe that he is everything(really more of a concession), and that he can do everything- and that when he said he would give the spirit to those who asked, he wasn't joking.
He told me to look at his face and believe him- and to be completely overwhelmed by his mercy and grace.....
to cast myself aside, to die,
to stop striving.
And to trust that his grace is enough to do what he promises, his grace is enough to change us all, His redemption is enough to glorify himself and to fill us with him so that we aren't wretched.
We aren't wretched because of him, and only because of him. And he who promised is faithful- one day he will redeem all this, and one day we will be made able to see him face-to-face, regardless of what it takes or what it already has cost him.
The whole church thing- it's supposed to be a reflection of him, but it seems like we're all so busy trying to make sure we do that very thing- that we cast Jesus aside in the process, because, sorry Jesus, but we don't have time for you here, we're trying to reflect God, and that's really hard work, don't you think?
It's like this: maybe if I could take the time to shut-up, he might actually be able to speak through me. If I would take the time to know him, I might just start acting like him without even being all that aware of it.
