Wavy Trees and Childish Dreams

I was just looking out the window, watching a massive tree (the top of it) blowing in the wind. I don't actually know who originated the phrase "leaves dancing in the wind" but it was a pretty acurate description. I've been thinking about where I am now, what it was like when I was a kid. The last couple days I've been adding to my book "great lengths" and because of what I'm writing about I keep remembering things from like a few years ago. It's interesting how your perspective changes. It's almost like you go from childhood to adult without ever realizing when or how it took place. I bet when I was a kid I didn't really have any clue I would be where I am now. It's funny how when you're a kid you don't even worry about things. Like when you say you want to become- i don't know , an artist, kids don't worry about how they're going to get there, about whether they'll make enough money to live, or any of that stuff. They say they want to be something when they grow up and not the slightest doubt occurs in their mind as to whether they will be what they are claiming. It's as simple as saying they want to be something and then becoming that. We find out later however things aren't usually that simple. Maybe that's why so many people never get to that point. It's not simple to them. Instead of trying they give up in face of all the obstacles, when they realize there's more to it. Then some people simply change their minds and find something means more to them than the thing they were pursuing. That's great. But I do think people too often give up and settle for something God maybe never intended. There's nothing wrong with being simple, not being great in the eyes of the world. There is something wrong with giving up dreams, things we were supposed to do, simply because they were too hard. Because they weren't as easily accomplished as we first anticipated. We learn nothing that way. Sometimes things aren't as complicated as we think. Sometimes I think kids are the wise ones, not us. I think we tend to look at all the stuff we have to do to get to a certain place(whether it be a job, etc...) and we see all the stuff that has to be done, all the stuff standing in our way. I think kids see it and think that's where I'm going to get to, all I have to do is get there. Possibly they see where they want to end up, we see all the stuff in the middle we have to get through. on that note I think I'll end other than to update.

Our old youth pastor, his wife and kids are in town today, and are having a small cook-out at Gladys' house tonight. It'll be great to see them all. It's been at least a year and a half since the last time I saw them. Their kids are gonna make me feel old. Their oldest is 8. I remeber when he was born. It's just weird. : ) Should be good fun to hang out and all that. waiting to hear from both uni's about the test, and acceptance. Cya all later.

The War

I was watching the news this morning, and they were talking about a soldier who died in Iraq. He put his helmet over a grenade that was going to go off to save the others. I don't agree with the war, and personally I don't see why we went over there, but now it's like we're stuck there because we did go over. The really sad part is that you have people like this soldier who died- doing good things and then you have other soldiers accused of being abusive and doing horrible things in war (which I'm sure some of them probably did, how do you expect people to act when they are trained to kill? ) Anyways, this just brings up another reason why I don't agree with it- you watch the news and see all these soldiers killed- most of them in their early 20's-it's one of the saddest things I've seen. The government says they are over there defending democracy.....when was Iraq accually ever proven to be a threat to us? And since when has the government of the US actually lived up to all the ideals we claimed- with the motives we claimed? The US is hypocritical just like most other countries. We do some good, we do some bad. I just think it's sad that so many people have to die, US soldiers, other soldiers from countries that only sent them because we sent ours, iraqi's who didn't necessarily do anything. They aren't all rebels, I'm sure there's been many normal citizens killed, there always are. We created chaos in a country, which was better, how it was, or how it is now? Well, we can't go back. And all this because they(the soldiers) were told to go to iraq- and they obeyed. Obedience is costing them their lives, and we hype up and glorify the war by saying they are defending us, defending our liberty. War shouldn't be hyped up, it shouldn't be promoted in any way- it's horrible, that's all it is, and I wish it didn't happen. I feel bad for the soldiers, and unless they're the ones doing horrible things, I'm not going to critize them, but I'm not going to promote what is going on over there either with a surge of nationalism. I'm just going to feel sorry for them and hope they come back alive, and not so scarred by war that they can't really live. As for the president, it's not my place to say whether he was or is right or wrong, I'm sure he knows the answer- and he has to live with it. What will the history books say about this 50 yrs, 100 yrs. from now? will our "defense of freedom" still be 'glorious' then? I wonder.

smelly lakes at sunset

Ok, so that's a bit of an odd title for a post......intrigued? So, a lot of days I'll ride my bike down to the lake (it only takes about 5 min or something around that.) I do all kinds of things. I paint or draw sometimes. Other times I'll bring a book, or my bible, and just read for a little while. Sometimes I just sit there and enjoy being outside. And everyonce in a while when I go down there, there's all these fish-mostly wee fish- that aren't worth fishing for cause they're too small, but you occasionally see some larger ones too. And I have to admit it's amusing watching them. Once, I went down to the lake to paint, and ended up sitting there watching fish the entire time. I also have to say- through experience- fish can really be quite stupid. Amazingly stupid. Here are some excamples: When I went fishing about a month ago my brother caught a fish but it was a wee bit too small to keep- so he threw it back. A little while later I caught a fish- and we found a wound from where john's hook caught it.- It was the same one. Later I caught another fish - we never found out whether it was the same one- but we had our suspicions. Getting caught three times? wow. example number 2: At rock springs park (right outside of Decatur) At a big pond they have there- you can spit and the fish think you're trying to feed them. Last time was more fun. I threw 3 or 4 wee bits of paper into the water and watched all the fish go at it. They would realize it tasted bad go away - then come back again not even a minute later thinking somehow it would taste different or something. oh , it was funny. example 3: the other evening I went down to the lake and was trying to get a fish out with a stick (really, I wasn't doing the whole cruelty to animals, I wasn't gonna hurt it : ) You'd think they'd get the point and start avoiding the stick in the water. nope. Those are my fish stories. So I went down to the lake yesterday before sunset- it smelled bad. Anyways, I was just sitting there, thinking. What a beautiful thing a day is. You have the sun come up in the morning, go down at night. Full of moments, we have memories from each one. I don't think any of us fully appreciate the value of a day. Whether good or bad. All the chances and opportunities it holds- to be able to appreciate something, to be able to say a kind word, to enjoy something, to do something for someone else, to have fun. Maybe every morning I should take the time to actually think what I can do with my day, and to be extremely grateful, thankful for it and the opportunities it holds. Far too often I am not.

update

I feel like I haven't properly written in about a month- so here's to update everyone (that's if anyone actually reads my blog site : ) ) over the last week: I applied for more courses at Queen's and Uni of Ulster, I spoke to them on the phone, they are reconsidering me for English as long as the ACT (college entry test over here) is accepted as an equivilent, or as long as I can take one and send them the results- how "awesome" is that ??!! (plus I did well on the ACT - so I won't be too worried if they accept that) I got my financial aid from over here- to transfer over there worked out- and I need to wait til I find out whether I've gotten in to apply for my student visa- but I did look that up- and the requirements and all that. Plus I'll probably be starting a new second job soon. That's about me caught up- oh yeah, and my brother is on holiday this week- he went down to the smoky mts. and then to the ocean- (not fair !!! I miss mountains and the sea- Illinois is so flat : ) That's about it.

Wow

Wow, I have been absolutely horrible at blogging lately. sorry. The last month has been full of disappointments for me. And to some extent disappointments always get you down - at least some. The last week or so, some stuff has become more clear, some stuff - I'm still just as uncertain about. I still have a lot of stuff to get done and to plan, but it seems as though things are starting to come together...... guess I'll see a few months down the road.
wow, I'm just so excited about some stuff- it's hard to really write much. I don't know what the future holds for me, but at the moment- I'm looking at certain things and if they happen, or if they don't and God leads somewhere else- it's like the only thing I can do is stand back and say "wow, is that really what you have for me? " and just be amazed. I guess that's how I'll spend today(my day off work) - in awe. I can't think of any better way to spend it.

not much

It's been awhile- I figure it's time I updated. It doesn't usually take much to get me talking though.... so here goes- firstly- all the stuff I've been up to recently: had an interesting day at work- to say the least. The weather is getting hot here and I'm wishing I had nice Irish weather. (even if it is weird) I am still trying to get all this stuff together for going back over in the summer, and for trying to get into uni. My friends finally are coming back for the summer to Decatur- from uni. so that'll be nice- more people to hang out with. umm.... I'm sure I had more to say- but don't remember it at the moment. I would write something worth reading -but at the moment don't have time- so hopefully I'll catch a chance later tonight. for now that's all.

Ouch!

Sorry, my apologies for having neglected to write lately. A lot has been going on. mostly just busieness. Some of us from church went out to Allerton park today.(pretty cool if you've never been there) It's one of my favorite places to go. Anyways, I managed to injure myself. I sprained my ankle pretty bad. So now I'm limping around.
I guess I haven't really written much lately for two reasons. - one, I haven't had time or really access to a computer much lately. And the other, I just haven't felt like writing much..... It's a bit unusual for me really. I'm sitting here contemplating a lot of stuff. But just not figuring out how to write it. There are limitations to the English language.
I'm human. I'll never really figure out all of God's reasoning behind things. Actually, I'll probably understand very little of it. There's very little comfort in not knowing things or reasons. Mostly, we tend to run from the uncertain. There's so much comfort in not knowing things yourself but knowing someone who does.
To you guys in Northern Ireland. I found out I didn't get in to queen's either for english. I can still apply for 4 more on ucas. I'm going to contact both universities and try to find out why I wasn't accepted. Then I might apply for courses that are similar that still have openings. I've decided not to give up yet. Still plan on coming over for a couple months in the summer (although I'll be down south a lot) Hope everything is going well for you. miss you all. (Is the weather nice in Belfast? ) : )