hey there

I'm back....maybe, we'll see how long this lasts...between once I am using myspace again, and also xanga.....so....yeah, you do the math.
I just felt like updating my blogspot...and I will probably write something possibly worth actually reading in a day or so...after I get some sleep : ) night all.

ridiculous obsessions

wow, so it's been forever... where to start? umm... I moved this week, well, technically I guess it was last week... or both. I just checked everyone's blog sites from rock belfast.. and it made me miss NI and everyone there so much. I can't wait to see everyone again... even though it won't be for months.... I'm working 2 jobs at the moment... one is at a bookstore, and I absolutely love it. Everyone who works there is so great. I can't wait for snow. If it's gonna be cold, we might as well have snow. We should at least have something to be happy about when it's cold : ) .

Why do you think it's so hard for us (humans) to let go of the notion that we need "stuff" ? I know some of it is for enjoyment or entertainment, but it feels like we let it control our lives. I'm doing something interesting for lent this year. and, I hope it'll help change me. I'm not going to spend any money on anything other than what I need,... basically, no extras.... just food,shampoo, soap, etc... and bills. No clothes buying, no books, magazines, music, whatever... nothing extra. for forty days, which should also make me be creative, because I won't be doing anything that costs money, such as going to the movies... I guess if people want to hang out with me we'll have to do stuff that is free. personally I usually have more fun anyways,... cause you actually get to hang out that way.
I think we are always trying to rationalize what God wants us to do, and trying to lessen what he wants us to give up. We dismiss things so easily. And it really disturbs me every time I realize I actually care about having certain things, (like nice things- and I don't even usually take it over-board.) Because I realize that I too am caught up in this whole society obsessed with stuff and things, and how good they are, and what defines our status in life. And it's all a bunch of crap. None of this (all our "stuff") defines who we are or what our status is... we are people... simple as that, who all have basically the same needs, and we are caught up in some show making fools of ourselves to God because we think otherwise. and we insist on thinking otherwise and on living that way and it gets us nowhere. This explains much of life.

Autumn Leaves

I was walking around today, and I couldn't help but wonder how something dying could be so beautiful. Do you think our lives are kind of like that? like the leaves? They change from season to season, but autumn leaves..... wow. If our lives are lived right do they show this hidden brilliance right before they're over? Is it as though in an instant the lives we've lived and the things we've done make more sense, point to something beautiful? to God? Maybe some sort of wisdom is revealed in that moment that all the other things clogging our lives up before kept hidden. maybe it's then when we begin to realize what this whole life thing was really all about.
In the last book of the chronicles of Narnia, C.S. Lewis writes that the reason we found certain things joyful, certain things beautiful, etc... in this life, in this world, is because those things or moments were bits or small reflections of heaven- of real reality...
The only reason there is any beauty in this world, the only reason there is any joy, any good, is because it came from God, reflects to God, speaks of God...whether we are always conscious of it or not.
The thought is completely overwhelming. To know that the things we find beautiful and breathtaking are only in small comparison.....

I was riding the bus today. bus people are interesting. you meet all types, I'm shy, so I don't say much unless spoken to, but sometimes the bits of conversation you hear are interesting. Today, one lady was talki;ng about God, and how we'll understand everything when we get to heaven. I know that's the typical view, and I'm not arguing against it. But I think it's more that when we see God, we'll realize what it was all about. I'm not sure we'll even realize everything, (as we think of it) maybe it will be everything falling into place because God is there and we are there with Him. Maybe realizing everything will be about realizing that it was never the knowledge itself that we really wanted. We don't need to know everything. By knowing God, we do know everything. Maybe we just never thought about it like that while we were here, stuck on this earth.

life

I guess this post will be about life ( yep, that's a bit general) that's what all my writing is about, and if it isn't, it should be. I recently finished a book by an author I really, really love reading- (through painted deserts, by don miller) I also recently got back from a friend's wedding in another state. I've been frustrated with myself, for in someways forgetting that I don't need all this STUFF. I don't live an extravagent life by any means, but I think there have been times in my life where I go without many things, and guess what, you don't really need them... you are happier without them... the more you buy and spend, the more you want and think you need. It's a disease. I think most american's and probably alot of other countries are affected by it. In this book, well, I'll just sum it up by saying, he got away from all that, found out that life is about much more than what commercials would have you believe, and was much happier for it. It's not that hard for me to get away from it in Northern Ireland, I have a limited amount of money over there, and most of it- if not all, goes for food and rent. It's not hard in a place that beautiful, with friends, and things to do to realize that commercials do not hold my dreams, and they don't hold my heart.
What is this life really all about?
you won't find the answer to that question unless you really mean it, unless you really want the answer.....and you probably won't be able to give a good description of it once you have found out, but you will be able to live it.
I wonder what we've done to ourselves, how all this greed developed, how everything centers around ourselves. It's really almost funny. why are we so attracted by all this stuff? what good does it do us? Really, honestly, what good does it do us? can you see the humor in it?

I'm back

Here I am, left apologizing once again, (to the very few if any people who still read this) for having not blogged in ages. The excuse is the same as the previous time, however, I miss writing. I haven't been writing much lately, and I miss it. It feels as though all the "deep" thoughts I have or reminiscing I do, are no longer in existence, or are just as easily forgotten after they are gone-with no record left. Anyways, here's a new post, I'm not sure what it's going to be about yet : )

"we were meant to live for so much more..."

so, all apologies for my lack of blogging. somehow I've gotten sucked into myspace and ended up blogging there lately........it was more convenient....that's my excuse, and I'm sticking to it. On a different note, I've been listening to the new switchfoot cd, which I really like. I started reading ecclesiastes this morning, (woo-hoo, I have a saturday off work, how did that happen?? ) and thinking about how it's supposed to show us how pointless everything is without God......And as I'm reading, I'm thinking ( not really anything I haven't thought before, but still important) anyways, to keep things short, I think a lot of times we get caught up in life, we think about all these simple or possibly complicated things we think need done, but we forget why they are important or why we even bother doing them. It's like we still acknowledge God in our life, still remember why we live, but we've left him out of the smaller things, if you get me, which really means he's not so much in the bigger things as we think make ourselves think he is. Take an example- we work, or go to school, why? because if it's for the sake of it, or if it's only for enjoyment where's the purpose in that? Ok, so say you're going to school to get an education because you need that education to do something you feel God wants you to do. say you have to work for that education, say you have to save money for that education, - all this results from doing what God wants you to do. The thing is , we forget that. We need a job because we need money, we need money so we can go to school, we need school so we can do whatever it was we thought God wanted us to do (this is just an example) notice God only comes into the picture at the end of the sentence even though he was in effect, the underlying cause of it all. So, maybe instead, we work, because it is an opportunity to do many things at once, - to show others God's love, to be an example of working for something, etc... maybe we use our money in a way..... you get the picture? oh, and to use a verse that most everyone has heard, probably loads of times, This is what life is all about: He said to him, "what is written in the law? What do you read there?" He answered, "You shall love the Lord you God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all your mind; and your neighbor as yourself." And he siad to him, "you have given the right answer; do this, and you will live. " Jesus proceeded to tell the story of the good samaritan. But this is why I bring up this verse, crazy though it may seem to other people, this is why we are here. We have this mindset that we are here to be successful, to be famous, to live a good life, to have a family, etc... nothing is wrong with these things, but, they aren't the reason we are here. We think it's foolish when people don't go to college, or when they have a certain job, or when we don't consider what they do successful. And really, quite honestly, I think a lot of times real christians look like idiots to other people,because what they are doing doesn't make any sense to their mindset. That's because our goals or our reasons for living are in conflict. We live to love God and to love others, let this be our goal in life, nothing else really matters. It encompasses everything.