ordinary adventures

It seems like it's been absolute ages since I've written. Or possibly better phrased: really, truly written. Does that make sense? I've been dying for a chance to really write, it seems like, for a couple months now. I guess I can make all kinds of excuses, I've been busy, haven't had the time on the computer, loads of things and distractions. They all sound like really bad reasons now.
I was lying on the floor earlier listening to Jason Mraz.... and was so rudely interrupted by the realization that somehow there was a wasp in my room (who I might add didn't sound very happy) buzzing around on the ceiling. I don't like bees, or wasps, or for that matter (I'm pretty sure) anything with a stinger..... So I hastily left my room. I'm at a loss now as to what happened to the wasp....maybe it got back outside... all I know is it's no longer within viewing or hearing, So I resumed the lying on the floor and listening to Jason Mraz... One of my favorite things to do, listen to music and think. It is a great hobby. (I've not actually decided whether this is a waste of time or not, some people might say so, but I think unless you should be doing something else, it's not.) For me it is a great way to relax, think, and talk to God. I typically have interesting conversations with him. So I was lying there, listening, and being perfectly content... ok, maybe not perfectly, but I was content. There are so many different things to do in life, and to be honest I like the moments best when it doesn't really matter what I end up doing, so long as I'm following God. The moments where I feel like an adventurer but at the same time not so much. Any option is available to me, God has free chance to take me or use me for what he will- without me worrying my little head about it, great adventures don't seem so massive. On the other hand, He makes every mundane thing about living a perfectly 'ordinary' (although I still haven't figured out the true meaning of that word) life, seem like some huge adventure.... So you see it's kind of backwards. The big things don't seem impossible or overwhelming, the little things don't seem so boring or meaningless. That is what happens... I like days, or moments when I am fully aware of this, it makes me see life as it should be. Maybe it makes me live life as it was meant to be lived... too bad I don't have that mindset constantly.

Uncertainty-The one thing people usually fear most, and the one thing that usually leads to the most fear. I used to hate it. Sometimes I still do. The problem with that is that life is uncertain. We spend most of our lives struggling and wresting with that fact. Fighting against it, doing everything in our power to prevent it or ignore it and pretend it's not there, hoping that someday we will have accomplished the impossible and actually wished uncertainty away through our own hard work. Then something happens and you realize that will never happen, we have limited power. The problem is most people still continue to struggle with uncertainty their entire lives, hoping to get the better of it in the end rather than finding something that is certain and no longer worrying about the rest. Often times people who do find the something that is certain (I am talking about God, in case you've not figured that out yet) still fear the uncertain, which makes no sense to me, because something that contains everything certain knows everything we deem uncertain. Therefore canceling it out. Just not necessarily from our view point. We still have no idea what can, will, or could happen. But we know one who does. We still have a very limited power over the things that do happen. But we know someone who has power to control everything. Why do we still fear uncertainty? could it be that we don't trust the one person we should? There is no other reason. If you do trust Him, then in essence uncertainty does not exist. How can it if you know complete Certainty? - there is no room left for uncertainty.
I could almost laugh at myself right now. To have no fears, no worries, - Jesus wasn't being sarcastic when he said don't worry about things. You see, he knew God, truly and fully, he understood what it meant to know him, to trust him. And you see if only we would listen, we would be perfectly content. Because if we know God we realize he has the best intentions for us, he know what we want, what we need, and what will make us actually happy. How do we manage to hit it so far off the mark nearly everytime? How do we manage to convince ourselves that we aren't so entirely wrapped up and involved in every way with trusting God, knowing God, that seperation from that seems so completely impossible, unconceivable... that we would never dream of it? Who knew worrying had such large implications?
Anyways, must say before I go for now, that I'm in a very appreciative mood, and thank you to the creator of this all..... life is overwhelming, and the times when it is most real, and yet not so are the times when I can see you the clearest.

Exodus

So I started reading my bible over from the beginning about a couple of weeks ago. Today when I was reading I noticed something... In exodus, when Moses and Aaron keep asking the pharoah to let God's people go to worship him... Well, here's the verse and I'm sure you've heard it: "The egyptians shall know that I am the LORD, when I stretch out my hand againstEgypt and bring the Israelites out from among them." Well, I don't know about you but normally when I read that verse- well it sounds like the Egyptians are gonna know that God is all big and powerful and mighty- and I think that's part of it- but it says they'll know he is the LORD- He is not only revealing who he is to the Israelites, but also to the Egyptians, isn't that interesting- that doesn't mean the Egyptians all suddenly realize he's God and change and start believing in him, but He not only revealed himself to his people, but also to the egyptians. After what he did, there could be no doubting - to the rational mind at least- that their God existed..... Oh, and here's one more interesting verse: "They said tho them 'The LORD look upon you and judge! You have brought us into bad odor with pharoah and his officials, and have put a sword in their hand to kill us.' " Isn't that ironic- they didn't understand and said the lord judge you- and yet moses and aaron were doing exactly as the lord had told them to do. 2 things, don't worry so much about criticism from others.... secondly, don't be so quick to judge- you're not God after all....

crazy

Sometimes, I think I'm slightly crazy. Why in the world do I want to study in another country? Why can't I just stay somewhere where it's more comfortable for me? Why....?....... And then I remember that I'm not actually the one in charge of my life anymore. I'm glad that I am no longer content to sit around and be "comfortable". I tend to learn less, be lazier, and generally not as nice of a person when I am content being "comfortable". So, maybe I am crazy sometimes, and should think myself crazy occasionally, but I have to say I wouldn't be the person I am and life would be much more boring if I didn't do slightly "crazy" things sometimes....

not the future, nor the past, Now

So I've been avoiding my blogspot......because my last blog was pretty serious and I don't know, I just didn't feel like writing anything on it. The last 3 or 4 days have been great. I was pretty upset thursday, and alot of friday too....although not really crying like I was thursday. And it was great, the thing that made the last few days so much better has been that I've been hanging out with friends, and just enjoying life. And something else. I guess I'm always looking for things that can be learnt from situations in life. Not that they necessarily happen for the sole purpose of teaching you things, but you can nearly always learn something worth learning from them. At least then you don't just take horrible things from life, you learn things. I should learn to be a better christian (in it's true meaning, a mirror of christ, etc...) We only have each day to do that in, and that is our whole purpose anyways, isn't it? Maybe this sounds really crazy, but can you really wait until you get to see God? Maybe something in this life makes us afraid of death... (but I don't think it's really death we're afraid of) I think we're afraid of the uncertain. It seems like, to me, the one thing people search for and want more than anything in this world is security. We just look for it in different things: love, money, a house, a family, job, fame, success, independence. But the one thing we can't prevent is our own deaths. We have no control over that. eventually we die. People don't like talking about it unless they have to. They think it's morbid. (which, I mean, I guess technically it is) Anyways, what I'm getting at, is if we have security (God) we shouldn't really be afraid of death, we shouldn't really fear the unknown.... Another point, and I probably haven't been doing the greatest job of this, is living everyday. I mean doing everything you can in this day to be christ. To be thankful, and kind, and realize that we live in now, not the future or the past. And to matt- thank you for befriending me my first half-week in Northern Ireland, and for the midnight run to the petrol station to get a some galaxy chocolate that you said I had to try. Thank you for helping to remind me that life should not be wasted, and that every day is a chance to be like Christ.

I've just found out a friend of mine from NI died today. In a motorcycle accident. Makes you do a lot of thinking. and I'm still kinda in shock. He was only 19. He knew God. I don't feel like writing. will leave it at that and ask that you pray for his family and friends please. Thanks.

A new book

Yesterday I started reading the bible -all over again, from the beginning. Maybe part of it was just the version I was reading it in, but I couldn't help thinking it was much better than any books I've read recently... the language, imagery, poetry of it,.... etc... (and I haven't even made the point that it's all true yet..) And.. It's all True! Anyways as I was reading, (and I kind of wanted to approach it this way) It wasn't like hearing all the stories you hear as a kid growing up in church, you know, where you're used to it all because you've grown up hearing it. It was almost like reading it the first time.... amazing... (not saying it wasn't amazing before, but...) Try reading it, actually reading it, like a book, not a text book, or like a book you already have memorized.... Try reading it like a new novel you just got, and you're so hungry to read it, you just can't put it down for the suspense, or the intrigue, or ... the truthfulness of it all.... Just thought I'd share that. : )